so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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