fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
