It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
