Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
