Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
