if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
