im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
