Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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