What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
