So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
