what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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