He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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