i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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