garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
