I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
