there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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