You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
