this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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