She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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