I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
