remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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