saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
