I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Couch. On fire.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
