just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
