I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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