I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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