all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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