we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
