No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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