i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
