You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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