a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
