I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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