Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
