just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
