There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
