We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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