Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
