We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
