Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
