god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
