when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
