Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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