omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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