On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
