I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
