I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
