I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
