I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
