How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
