Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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