This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
