The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
