i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
