U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
