My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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