Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
